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12/18/2021
Christmas Blues Christmas carols, chilly breeze infused with the fragrance of pine trees, hustle for gift-buying and grocery shopping, hot chocolate, festive lights, and decorations… It’s beginning to look, smell, and taste like Christmas! It’s the happiest day of the year, but for so many, it’s also the loneliest. This is the season of excitement and anxiety, anticipation and fear, festivities and the blues. This time of the year evokes nostalgia from different stages of my life. Christmas in my early years As a child, “Noche Buena” was the highlight of my Christmas. “Noche Buena,” a Filipino tradition for Christmas feasting, begins on the 25th at the strike of twelve. In our household, the madness of banquet preparations kept us alert and energized. Our kitchen was transformed into a circus. My brothers’ faces, covered with whip cream, teased and cajoled, arm wrestled, and engaged in food fights. My poor mother switched from chef to sheriff, as she commanded her five sous chefs into order. Then came the most anticipated gift-giving ritual. Each person gives something to everyone, but the giver makes it almost impossible for the recipient to get the gift. For example, the gift could be hidden in the dog house or in a rathole somewhere, so one needs to follow a map to find it. The effort put into tracking down a gift was way more than its cost. But harmless trickery was the name of the game. It was always an all-nighter filled with laughter and uproar. At the break of dawn, we’d join the neighborhood kids to play at the park. As a young adult, Christmas was mostly spent with a special someone. When there was no one special, the lonely ones banded together to provide a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. At the same time, we drank ourselves to numbness until the holiday was over.  Christmas as a mother The Holiday season is one of the biggest reasons I wanted more than two children. Although my family practiced the same traditions, it wasn’t as rowdy as it used to be. But since our children are DNA upgrades, they perfected the gift of pranking. We built memories for the books – or rather for social media. Woe to the next generations of Christmas pranksters and their victims! It was during the holiday season when we migrated to America. My husband, our kids, and I didn’t feel the Christmas spirit at all. In the Philippines, we were used to loud music, fireworks, street dancing, and homes open to everyone for feasting. We couldn’t believe that people slept through Christmas eve and the neighborhood was quiet. Throughout Christmas day, we felt so homesick we didn’t even realize that we had each other. Christmas in our empty nest This year, my husband and I may spend Christmas without our kids. While we’re happy our children are where they’d want to be, our empty house makes my soul vulnerable to Christmas lament. Putting up a Christmas tree and decorations would be tedious. We’ll probably share a simple dinner, read Bible verses, sing praises, and recall Christmas memories. We could do a group Facetime call when everyone is available. Then we would tell silly stories to one another, only this time virtually. Countless individuals go through Christmas blues. In the past, it was usually because they missed loved ones or they were homesick. Recently, the pandemic compounded the blues and upended all celebrations. Countless individuals are either withdrawn, unable to go out, or afraid to mingle with people. There is a growing starvation for the human touch and the sense of community. The lonely situation, intensified by this so-called “new normal,” will not change anytime soon. But we can reshape the way we look at it. Our lonely space is an opportunity to commune with our Lord. Because He himself is a man of sorrows, He is waiting for us to share ours. As Isaiah describes: He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted. (Isaiah 53:3-4 NKJV) The lonely space in our hearts where we can be honest and intimate with our Lord is the same place we can draw our strength. It’s not just for the holidays, but for every day. We may not realize it, but loneliness is a resident in our hearts, buried in work, busyness, and our regular routine, and uncovered at Christmas.  Blaise Pascal said:
“There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.” How timely it is to reflect on our nature as a relational being who needs to belong to a family and community in a place they can call home. Could it be that only Jesus, whose birth we celebrate, can satisfy this mysterious longing or sadness in our hearts? Could Christmas be pointing to an eternal home where the family will never be separated by time, distance, or death?  I remember, just about the same time last year, I couldn't wait for 2020 to be over. Being a blind person who compensates for lost vision through touch, I felt like I'd lose out in a "touchless society." Nevertheless, I embraced the "new normal” conditionally, with absolute hope that 2021 would reset the world back to the old way of life. It didn't. In fact, from my perspective, 2021 has been more terrifying than 2020. A touchless society was here to stay. The virus caught my family. I had knee surgery, some close relationships were severed, my beloved bulldog passed, and lots more. Advent finds me entangled in confusion. A period for reflecting on the first and second coming of Christ, Out of the four messages of Advent: hope, peace, love and joy, hope is the first and the most vital, because without it the other three would be nearly impossible. But what hope? Is hope a message only for Christmas cards? Losing Sight of Hope Hope is the desire for something better and is usually associated with our vision of the future. But in 2020, we lost our 20/20 vision, in a figurative sense. It's difficult to hope for a future one can't envision. And, as 2022 seems more volatile, uncertain, and atypical, hope continually diminishes. Jeremiah's words during the darkest times of Israel are applicable to our desperate world today. But there's one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: GOD's loyal love couldn't have run out. His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! (Lamentations 3:22-23 MSG)  A Hopeful Way to Live is a Day at a Time. Had I known in 2020 the events I'd go through in 2021, I'd probably take the year off in despair. But I showed up every day not knowing what would come at me, and, as the sun set with a setback, it rose with the hope that set me back in stride. Navigating through the challenges, I appreciate being in the dark with a ray of hope, rather than being in the light of knowledge slowly slipping into the darkness of despair. After all, we won't need hope if everything we hope for is realized. As Paul says: For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? (Romans 8:24 NKJV)  2021 was bleak, and 2022 may even be worse. But light is brightest when it's darkest. Remember how the wise men were guided to the child Jesus by a star? It had to be dark for them to follow the starlight. But today, we no longer need the star. The embodiment of hope, Jesus, whose birthday we celebrate on Christmas day has been born! He is Emmanuel, God with us, and He lives in our hearts.
The message of hope is not only for Christmas cards, it’s for us to carve in our hearts. It’s not an empty promise used to keep up Christmas traditions. Hope is found in the person of our Lord Jesus who is trust-worthy. So even if we walk through the valley of the shadows of COVID, of wars, and of unrest, we shouldn't be afraid, for God is with us, Emmanuel, leading and guiding us. This season, focus on Emmanuel to rekindle hope then share it with others.  If life were your favorite chocolate bar and you're down to a fourth of it, would you look back and savor the part of the bar now gone? Or would you continue eating the remaining in anticipation? Would you wonder, "What if I had a different chocolate bar?" I'm down to the final quarter of my chocolate and I'm not sure if my grey hairs could represent maturity, not just age. Reflecting on my upcoming birthday, I wrestled through "what if" questions to validate what wisdom I've acquired. What if I weren't born legally blind? I would have a head so swollen I'd need a thicker neck to handle it. Life would revolve around make-up, pretty clothes, and my many followers on Instagram. I'd think Carly Simon's song "You're So Vain" is about me. Bad hair days would sink me into depression. I would drive, fly a plane, scuba dive, but I wouldn't have the courage to search my soul. And why would I forgive the friend who thought a random lady was prettier? I'd be so full of myself, feel self-righteous; I wouldn't need God for anything. But I'd probably be the most miserable person, always waiting for "happy hour" to salvage a few moments of glee. You know what? Knowing my excessiveness, I'd probably be dead by now! Today, although still physically blind, I'm blessed to be alive. The Lord had opened the eyes of my heart to perceive things that really matter – primarily my need for Him, and my need for others.  What if I didn't have children? I'd probably rescue 20 dogs from the shelter to fulfill my nurturing nature. The puppies would take over my bed, and I'd end up sleeping on the floor. One consolation: I'd be so skinny because I'd portion my meals to my pets begging for food. Indeed dogs are cute, but I'd be suicidal if people say my grand puppies look like me. The opposite is true with my children. I giggle when people say my kids are like me. My heart flutters when I hear stories about them or praise for their achievements, talents, behavior, or silliness. I haven't outgrown my role as a stage mother. I've even replaced the proverbial umbilical cord with technology connectedness. In fact, always aiming for a better connection with my children justifies my need for the iPhone 13. When not with them during events or vacation, I suffer from FOMOーfear of missing out. My children are now grown and I should focus more on myself during the last quarter of my chocolate bar. Yet, my heart and mind still hover over them, like the helicopter mother I've always been. I feel that nurturing one child is equivalent to 20 puppies, perhaps more, for only death graduates a woman from the school of motherhood. It is a life calling and her children the matchless reward.  What if I didn't marry Silver? No, I wouldn't have 20 boyfriends at one time! I'd be hopping from one relationship to another in search of a Silver lining. Silver is my "eyes," and I see the world through his. What other man would be coerced to put on my make-up, describe sceneries and gifs, or drag a blind woman clinging onto his arm as he walks towards a destination? I'm grateful to the Divine for growing two perfectly imperfect individuals—different as north and south—into one whole. What if I had more time to write this post? I'd probably run through a hundred more "what if's" for such questions are unending. I'd get stuck figuring out answers and end up transforming reality into dreams instead of the other way around. I'll never be sure I have the correct answers. Yet, from my deep dive into my past, I've collected pearls of gratitude for my life. I wouldn't live life any other way, knowing that my Heavenly Father allows things to happen for His sovereign purpose. I couldn't even imagine a life without God. Paul says, And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NKJV) In hindsight and foresight, I realize that our Heavenly Daddy knows how my heart's trials, victories, mistakes, and longings will blend into mixtures of nuts, fruits, caramel, and sea salt to make my chocolate bar gourmet quality. And, with every bite comes a glass of water; that is the privilege to thank Him for not giving me what I think is good for me, but instead what He knows is best. God gave us a chocolate bar. Our task is to savor and enjoy it to the last bite. Don't worry about the calories and savor the richness! Share some of your "What if" questions and how you digest them. What are some things that you thought were good, but God had something better planned for you?  ...that is the privilege to thank Him for not giving me what I think is good for me, but instead what He knows is best. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
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