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10/30/2023
How to Deal with Negativity in Life In my last post, we uncovered the shocking truth: life is basically just one epic wilderness and we’ll enjoy life’s surprises if we walk with God through the journey and hone our skills to be like Indiana Jones in our own way. But I realized I’ve been a grumbler through my journey, not unlike the Israelites who travelled through the desert to reach the Promised Land. hence this series of reflections which I can compare to opening Pandora’s box. Recently I can picture myself stuck in the South America jungles, not as Indiana Jones but as Inspector Jacques Clouseau from the "Pink Panther" film series. While Indiana Jones is a skilled archaeologist, adventurer, and fighter, Clouseau, portrayed by Peter Sellers, is a bumbling and incompetent French detective. Add to that the trait of a chronic grumbler and that would be me as a traveler. "I was stumbling and swaying as I blindly (pun intended) navigated my way through my journey, each step feeling like a precarious dance between determination and uncertainty, I was suddenly pierced with a “Curare” poison covered arrow as I slowly slumped into paralysis. Author Krzysztof Ziarnek describes What you would experience if you came into deadly contact with the Curare plant as it as a cure all or kill all. What happened? Amidst the relentless demands of work and the chaotic symphony of life issues: my family and household, my days have become an intricate dance with stress in the backdrop of current rumors of world wars. One day I woke up so weak I couldn’t even hold up to do my usual routine, not to mention work. I’ve been calling in sick but one early morning my husband had to rush me to the Urgent Care. It was a wake up call to say the least. As I was desperately praying for divine healing, I was reminded how so many times I said, “I wish I weren’t ever born,” or “Why can’t God take me right now?” Well at that point, maybe God was answering my prayer to take me to our heavenly home but there I was, begging for dear life. I guess I didn’t really want to die. Job 2:4 Satan answered, “A human would do anything to save his life. In that moment, as I lay in the Urgent Care, my life hanging in the balance, I realized the gravity of my own mortality. I had often grumbled and complained about the challenges life had thrown at me, but when faced with the real possibility of losing it all, I discovered a newfound appreciation for the precious gift of life. As the doctors and nurses worked tirelessly to diagnose and treat my ailment, I couldn't help but reflect on the journey I had been on. Just like Inspector Jacques Clouseau stumbling through the South American jungle, I had been navigating the twists and turns of life with all the grace of a bumbling detective. I had been blind to the beauty of the wilderness I was traveling through, too focused on my complaints to see the surprises that lay around each corner.  In my weakest moment, I found strength in my faith. I realized that my grumbling had been like the Israelites' complaints in the desert, a lack of trust in the path that had been laid out for me. I had been so caught up in the chaos of life that I had forgotten the importance of gratitude and resilience. The wake-up call was stark, but it was also a gift. It made me reevaluate my priorities and my perspective. I understood that life's challenges and uncertainties are part of the journey. We can't control every twist and turn, but we can choose how we react to them. I had been given a second chance, and I was determined to make the most of it. The experience reminded me of Job 2:4, where Satan suggests that a person would do anything to save their own life. In my moment of desperation, I realized the truth in those words. I would do anything to hold onto the beautiful, complex, and sometimes challenging journey of life. As I slowly recovered, I embraced each day with a newfound sense of purpose and gratitude. I let go of my grumbling ways and chose to walk the path with a heart full of faith and a spirit ready to face life's surprises. Just like Indiana Jones, I honed my skills for this epic wilderness, not to conquer it, but to savor every moment of the adventure. Life was a gift, and I was determined to live it to the fullest, cherishing every twist and turn as part of the grand journey. Reflection
Stop and think for a moment about the recent events in your life. Have you been having grumble-itis? What are some things in your life you're grateful for? Hold onto these things and thank God for the Good things He has done in your life. Remember, it's better to live the rest of your life than wasting it away on negativity. Until the next one, everyone!
10/16/2023
Grumbler 2.0 My name is Christina, and I'm a grumbler. In my last post, I expressed how I feel like I walked out of the pages of the book of Numbers. So, in my imagination, God zaps me back in time to be with the bunch of Israelite grumblers where I belong? There I would be, a meal offering to the bugs the size of my fist. I'd be wilder than the untamed animals that I'll probably scare away because of my relentless screaming "yuck," "ewe," "ugh," and "ouch." I'll act worse than Job's wife as the bars I'll get would not be on my gadgets but on the sand. Out of despair, I'd probably brew mother nature's pine needle tea in a desert boil of slimy water to dunk my share of manna. #Necessity is the mother of invention. And #Addiction will find a way. Every hour, I'd ask, "Moses, are we there yet? What does God's Positioning System (GPS) say our ETA is? I wouldn't be attentive to the divine sunscreen, God's cloud during the day, and the pillar of fire at night. I'd be complaining without ceasing, so I won't reach the Promised Land like the hundreds of thousands of grumblers who died in the wilderness. But here I am, alive, blessed with a happy family, good health, and a lucrative job, albeit challenging. I dwell in a comfortable home beyond the reach of bugs and wild animals. My internet is giga-fast, and I enjoy bottomless tea and coffee of my choice, not to mention chocolates that give me a dopamine rush. More than my scary imagination, the realization of God's boundless grace drove me to reflection and repentance. It's astonishing how swiftly I can lose sight of my Father's countless blessings when life takes an unexpected turn or when challenges loom large. When circumstances diverge from my expectations, it's often tempting to perceive the guiding hand of fate as one that has dealt me misfortune. While I'm grateful God didn't exile me to the desert with the grumbling Israelites, I have a wilderness to traverse. Everybody does; it's that inhospitable terrain unique to every person laid out in the pilgrimage of life. The wilderness I traverse is unlike most people's. A pilgrim without sight, I wake up every morning to a never-ending game of "hide and seek" where I'm always "it." Navigating the world is like trying to assemble a puzzle without a picture – sure, I've got the pieces, but good luck figuring out if it's a puppy or a giraffe! I'll never forget when I was a commuter and how crossing the street was always a heart-pounding adventure. I felt like a Samurai brandishing my white cane of a sword at speeding cars to reach the workplace or the coffee shop without being a traffic statistic. Rest assured, you'll hear more of my adventures in the future. For now, I'd like to talk about the wilderness in my job.  At work, I rely entirely on assistive technology's wonders to perform a job, which was God's answer to my prayers several years ago. However, the existing assistive technology often struggles to keep pace with the ever-evolving nature of our workplace. The system limitations impede providing a resolution for my customers promptly and efficiently, degrading my performance. I could have been a corporate superhero without the kryptonite of system limitations. Needless to say, I spend most of my life at work, a minimum of eight hours a day on my computer and sixteen hours feeling the impact of stress. Perhaps your wilderness is passing through financial hardship or hurdling unemployment. It could be a relentless battle against a terminal illness. You may be tangled in the thorns of prodigal children or a challenging marriage. But make no mistake, every battle is in a wilderness of sorts, and our natural reaction is to grumble, kick, and cry our way to freedom, break down, or throw in the towel. Our response to these arduous wilderness experiences is to avoid them at all costs. In our quest to escape the trials of our wilderness journeys, let's consider a radical notion: What if we were to wholeheartedly embrace the wilderness? This untamed terrain has the power to transform our very essence, for it compels us to be wholly dependent on our Heavenly Father. True liberation emerges when we relinquish control and place our unwavering trust in the hands of God. It is precisely during these trying times that our Lord unearths His most profound revelations. Wasn't Moses raised in the desert to lead the Israelites out of slavery to the Promised Land? He wouldn't have met the angel of the LORD who appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush if he weren't in the desert tending his father-in-law's flock. David spent a lot of desert time hiding out from Saul before God made him king. John the Baptist lived in the desert and lived on yucky locusts... And our Lord spent forty days in the desert praying and fasting before His official ministry. It was also where our perfect Savior overcame temptation. The crucible of my wilderness experiences melts the scum from my heart – the negativity, ungratefulness, joylessness, etc. so my praising software will be updated to the latest version. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. Job 23:10 In the heart of every wilderness, there lies a purpose, God's grand design. It may not always be clear, and the path may be treacherous, but rest assured, there is meaning to be found in every step of your journey.
 Picture this: On a Monday morning, I'm standing in front of the coffee machine, silently fuming as it takes its sweet time to brew my life-saving elixir. My coworker, one who has mastered the art of calling at the bad time rings me. I mumble a forced “hello” to let on that I didn’t want to be engaged. In my head, I'm concocting a monologue that would put Shakespeare to shame—all about the cruel tyranny of Mondays and the injustice of unwanted callers. Cheery chirping voice: Well, looks like somebody has the Monday blues. Ouch! The truth hurt, so I retorted, “and especially because you called.” Voice: “That’s not very nice, I’ll call another time.(hangs up) I was terribly sorry and embarrassed. I found my foot in my mouth as usual, and what a testimony for a professing Christian. It's at that precise moment that it hits me, like my hot coffee was doused on my head: I might be a habitual grumbler - hence my reflections. I know in the past I wasn’t a grumbler. I was known to friends as “Ms. Toxic Optimism” and as an “Unrealistic Positivist” to my daughter – until recent changes in my job. Using contemporary lingo, my job is my biggest trigger that renders me “dysregulated”. I run like a headless chicken before reporting, and I countdown the hours and minutes before my duty ends. I worked for the weekend and often find my self swimming in the deep end. I look forward to hump day knowing it will go downhill from there. I’ve labelled Thursday as the eve of freedom and then finally TGIF – Thank God it’s Friday. What awful work ethics, or the lack thereof. Let me try to justify why I gripe, hoping I’ll win some readers to my grumbling side. I’m totally physically blind and the system I use for work is not fully accessible. Well, some apps are accessible but worse than a labyrinth to navigate. Because there are too many processes that regularly change, I struggle to figure out how to complete a task. Head-scratching is often the solution. Although there’s support, I’m tired of asking people for help because I feel I need a sustainable fix to my issues. There was a time when accessibility issues were addressed shortly after reported, but this reversed when society’s concept of inclusion changed. I guess people who are blind are not so much the priority today. Have I justified my grumbling attitude yet? Nevertheless, I have allowed this weed of bitter discontent with my job ruin my garden of life. Today grumbling impacts most areas of my existence. When it rains, I can’t hang out in the backyard. In the summer, it’s too hot, and my daughter had convinced me that UV is lethal. I scowl when my husband stocks the pantry with chocolates but throw hate speech if he doesn’t. Whatever the situation, I find something to grumble about.  One time, I questioned God about why He asked Noah to take a pair of mosquitos in the ark. And don’t even get me started about my weight and my perennial effort to set loose the skinny woman imprisoned inside me. If only I get paid to grumble, I’d be the wealthiest woman in the world. Bottom line, grumbling has become a full blown epidemic in my life and I want to address it before it becomes a pandemic affecting most of our community. After all, I know I’m not alone. I have yet to meet a non-grumbling person.
The book of Numbers paints a full picture of grumbling and how it angers God. While leading the Israelites to the promised land, God heard nothing but incessant grumbling. Israelites: “Seriously, God, manna again? We want the menu changed.” And God’s like, “I just split the Red Sea for you and now you’re complaining about the catering?” I imagine God saying, “Alright, you grumbling bunch, you want drama? I’ll give you drama,” And just like that, a two-week road trip from Egypt to the Promised Land turns into a never-ending, tortuous pilgrimage stretched to a whopping forty years. I feel like I walked out of the pages of the book of Numbers and updated my grumbler software for today’s times. The update made me a relevant grumbler, but my heart is just as evil as those Israelites in the book. I haven’t met a poisonous snake nor have I dropped dead after that time when I ate some leftover Cornish chicken meat only because I’m in the grace period. “After all, I grumble because I’m advocating for a cause,” I justified. However, the unrelenting small voice was urging me to exchange my grumbler identity with His joyful one. After some restless nights wrestling with the voice encouraging me to address my mistaken heart, I agreed with the voice that I am wrong, and I needed to change my mind about basic issues. So I clamber to the psychologist couch of my Heavenly Father who has searched and known me. His Word pointed out some behaviors I needed to work on. There’s no doubt He has forgiven them, I just needed to exercise the grace He has given me to change – things I’ll discuss in the next article. Reflection Questions What do you grumble about? Why do you grumble about these things?
10/2/2023
Little GirlI felt the nagging pain in my heart. I know I’m not called to do what I’ve been doing. Not that I can do better, it’s the feeling of unfulfillment, the knowledge that there ought to be more, a mismatch of my skillset. I have a job, not work. Nostalgia crept in. I recalled the “high note” in my life when I was empowering the marginalized, bringing out and developing the best in them – and getting paid for doing so. It was a more difficult work but the reward of seeing people build their lives outmatched the hardship. I felt contained. Will I ever hit the next high note in the remaining quarter of my life? Nostalgia turned into negativity. I couldn’t help but look back to my childhood when it was ok to be a chocoholic, read, play and nap when I want to. So I wrote the following.  Little Girl  Matthew 18:2-3 Reflection
More often than not, God talks to us in subtle ways. We have to look out and pay attention for us to hear Him. When was the last time you've tried to just stop and listen? Maybe He's telling you what you need to hear right now. When did you last open yourself up to receive God's Word like a child would towards their parents? Let's challenge ourselves to look out for God's word this week. |
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