Little Girl

I felt the nagging pain in my heart. I know I’m not called to do what I’ve been doing. Not that I can do better, it’s the feeling of unfulfillment, the knowledge that there ought to be more, a mismatch of my skillset. I have a job, not work.
Nostalgia crept in. I recalled the “high note” in my life when I was empowering the marginalized, bringing out and developing the best in them – and getting paid for doing so. It was a more difficult work but the reward of seeing people build their lives outmatched the hardship.
I felt contained. Will I ever hit the next high note in the remaining quarter of my life? Nostalgia turned into negativity. I couldn’t help but look back to my childhood when it was ok to be a chocoholic, read, play and nap when I want to. So I wrote the following.

Little Girl
 
I long for my little girl self
Looking to each day like a gift
Another surprise, one more book to read
A cheery pup that makes me laugh and play.
 
I ache for my father
Who welcomed me home from a hard day
Who gave me wine as a healing balm
And hope-filled words my heart to strengthen.
 
I yearn for my home
Where I could be my true self
My hair down, my defenses collapsed
Without fear of judgement nor tomorrow.
 
I desire the good ole’ days
That may not have happened
An ideal place and time
Was it real or wishful thinking?
 
When the desires of my heart were satisfied
My creative prowess building the weak of heart
Into soldiers who take courage.
Fight battles and finally win the war.
 
Then I hear that still small voice
Distant yet inside me
Calling out my name.
Catching my attention
 
​“I am” your Father.
“I am” your home.
“I am” your calling.
“I am” your success.
 
How I long to be your heartbeat.
For “I am” who you need me to be for each moment.
My presence will sustain you
Then you can do all things through me
 
I have called you for this good work
I have prepared for you before hand
That you may walk in them
Together you and I.
 
Get away with me and I’ll show you real rest.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn how to live freely.
Live in me and make your home in me.
Start over like a child and look to me as your real Father.

Matthew 18:2-3
Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.

Reflection
 
More often than not, God talks to us in subtle ways. We have to look out and pay attention for us to hear Him. When was the last time you've tried to just stop and listen? Maybe He's telling you what you need to hear right now. When did you last open yourself up to receive God's Word like a child would towards their parents? Let's challenge ourselves to look out for God's word this week.