What If?

If life were your favorite chocolate bar and you're down to a fourth of it, would you look back and savor the part of the bar now gone? Or would you continue eating the remaining in anticipation? Would you wonder, "What if I had a different chocolate bar?"
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I'm down to the final quarter of my chocolate and I'm not sure if my grey hairs could represent maturity, not just age. Reflecting on my upcoming birthday, I wrestled through "what if" questions to validate what wisdom I've acquired.
 
What if I weren't born legally blind? I would have a head so swollen I'd need a thicker neck to handle it. Life would revolve around make-up, pretty clothes, and my many followers on Instagram. I'd think Carly Simon's song "You're So Vain" is about me. Bad hair days would sink me into depression. I would drive, fly a plane, scuba dive, but I wouldn't have the courage to search my soul. And why would I forgive the friend who thought a random lady was prettier? I'd be so full of myself, feel self-righteous; I wouldn't need God for anything. But I'd probably be the most miserable person, always waiting for "happy hour" to salvage a few moments of glee. You know what? Knowing my excessiveness, I'd probably be dead by now! Today, although still physically blind, I'm blessed to be alive.

The Lord had opened the eyes of my heart to perceive things that really matter – primarily my need for Him, and my need for others.

​​What if I didn't have children? I'd probably rescue 20 dogs from the shelter to fulfill my nurturing nature. The puppies would take over my bed, and I'd end up sleeping on the floor. One consolation: I'd be so skinny because I'd portion my meals to my pets begging for food. Indeed dogs are cute, but I'd be suicidal if people say my grand puppies look like me.
 
The opposite is true with my children. I giggle when people say my kids are like me. My heart flutters when I hear stories about them or praise for their achievements, talents, behavior, or silliness. I haven't outgrown my role as a stage mother. I've even replaced the proverbial umbilical cord with technology connectedness. In fact, always aiming  for a better connection with my children justifies my need for the iPhone 13. When not with them during events or vacation, I suffer from FOMOーfear of missing out. My children are now grown and I should focus more on myself during the last quarter of my chocolate bar. Yet, my heart and mind still hover over them, like the helicopter mother I've always been.
 
I feel that nurturing one child is equivalent to 20 puppies, perhaps more, for only death graduates a woman from the school of motherhood. It is a life calling and her children the matchless reward.

What if I didn't marry Silver?

No, I wouldn't have 20 boyfriends at one time! I'd be hopping from one relationship to another in search of a Silver lining. Silver is my "eyes," and I see the world through his.
 
What other man would be coerced to put on my make-up, describe sceneries and gifs, or drag a blind woman clinging onto his arm as he walks towards a destination? I'm grateful to the Divine for growing two perfectly imperfect individuals—different as north and south—into one whole.
 
What if I had more time to write this post? I'd probably run through a hundred more "what if's" for such questions are unending. I'd get stuck figuring out answers and end up transforming reality into dreams instead of the other way around. I'll never be sure I have the correct answers. Yet, from my deep dive into my past, I've collected pearls of gratitude for my life. I wouldn't live life any other way, knowing that my Heavenly Father allows things to happen for His sovereign purpose. I couldn't even imagine a life without God. 
 
Paul says,
 
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NKJV)
 
In hindsight and foresight, I realize that our Heavenly Daddy knows how my heart's trials, victories, mistakes, and longings will blend into mixtures of nuts, fruits, caramel, and sea salt to make my chocolate bar gourmet quality. And, with every bite comes a glass of water; that is the privilege to thank Him for not giving me what I think is good for me, but instead what He knows is best. God gave us a chocolate bar. Our task is to savor and enjoy it to the last bite. Don't worry about the calories and savor the richness! 
 
Share some of your "What if" questions and how you digest them. What are some things that you thought were good, but God had something better planned for you?

...that is the privilege to thank Him for not giving me what I think is good for me, but instead what He knows is best.